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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25158709">you are still the only thing and everything i need in my life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/veel/pseuds/veel'>veel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Order (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, M/M, angst is my specialty, at least i think it is, but then again i'd rather write this, correction: at least i HOPE it is, flashlight by the front bottoms fucking SLAPS, hamish duke is the best, i can't believe it's not newsies!, i hope y'all enjoy-, i keep thinkin about what happened after that kiss, ike i can't believe you read this shit sfdjkljksfld, it's your fault i got myself into this mess, just note that it gets sad, maybe it was just one small tear as i pressed the 'publish' button but still, no surprise there i guess, oh yeah not gonna spoil the story but, randall carpio is a blessing, so if either of you are reading this, they're gay for each other and you know it, this is unedited like all my other shit, this shitty excuse for a fic doesn't deserve to be read, turns out i'm not a demon because i can in fact cry, yeah i blame albert and buttons on the oc server for this, yo FUCK capitalization</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:27:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>853</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25158709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/veel/pseuds/veel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>randall loved hamish.</p><p>but hamish still loves randall.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Randall Carpio/Hamish Duke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you are still the only thing and everything i need in my life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>triggers at the end!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>"hamish! lilith! jack!"</p><p>the yelps resonated in the den. but, no one answered. randall was alone. he was alone and scared. he wasn't sure what to do, and he knew that greybeard wouldn't be able to help. so that meant he was alone, scared, and unable to transform.</p><p>oh yeah, and he was bleeding out.</p><p>randall clutched his side and stumbled inside the den. he leaned against the wall and groaned. he made his way over to the couch as quickly as he could before collapsing. he took a deep breath in and a deep breath out. he winced as he grabbed his phone out of his pocket. he dialed in the first number that came to mind.</p><p>"what do you want? i'm in the middle of class," hamish hissed through the phone. randall took a ragged breath in. "randall? are you drunk? are you calling me to te-"</p><p>"shut up and listen to me," he slurred, feeling dizzy. he could practically <em>hear</em> hamish's concern. "i got fuckin' <em>stabbed</em>, man. with the knife kyle stabbed <em>you</em> with." randall's eyelids felt heavy. "right in the stomach."</p><p>"where are you?" hamish asked. randall heard the panic in his voice. he knew that hamish had scrambled out of the class without a word to the students.</p><p>"den," randall answered. "i'm so tired, dude." he winced as he inhaled. he held his hand tightly to his side.</p><p>"no. don't fall asleep. wait for me, okay?" hamish's voice was pleading. randall nodded before remembering hamish couldn't see him.</p><p>"m'kay."</p><p>"who stabbed you?" he asked. </p><p>"i think it was...shit man i don't remember." randall let out a short chuckled. he just <em>knew</em> hamish was frowning.</p><p>"this isn't funny."</p><p>yeah, randall knew that. he also knew that he was as good as dead. whoever had stabbed him and twisted the knife when he pulled it out. he was fine with death though. it meant greybeard could be free. it meant he'd no long be a burden. it meant hamish, lilith, and jack wouldn't have to deal with him. it meant that hamish could get the person he deserved.</p><p>"hey, are you listening to me?" hamish was desperate, and randall knew that as well.</p><p>he didn't know why hamish like him. he'd had a fling with vera, but he'd left her. left her because of randall. he'd left one of the most (well, the former most) powerful people in the order. and yet hamish chose randall. it made absolutely no sense. and randall was sure hamish knew that. and he was sure that hamish would be better off without him.</p><p>"randall!" hamish yelled into the phone.</p><p>randall's thoughts were a lot sometimes, but he always knew how to handle them. keep them under control. it was probably greybeard who helped him with that. at least that's what randall thought.</p><p>so yeah, randall knew how to control his thoughts and feelings with the help of greybeard. but without? without a connection to greybeard, randall was a mess. hell, he was a mess even <em>with</em> the help of greybeard. but at least greybeard knew randall's worth, because randall sure as hell didn't.</p><p>"please, hang o-"</p><p>"you're better off without me, anyway." hamish knew that. hamish <em>must </em>have known that. but randall still didn't know why he'd been chosen over vera.</p><p>"no, why would you even think that? i l-"</p><p>"it's true, we both know it," he interrupted. he choked back a sob. when had the tears started to fall? randall didn't know anymore. "i'm holding you back. you'd be so much more if i wasn't in the way." he smiled sadly. "and now i won't be." hamish would be stronger without limitations. without someone to worry about. without randall.</p><p>"i'm almost there." hamish's voice was tight, and randall just knew he was desperately holding back tears. "just hold on, i can fix this. i - i can heal you! good as new!" randall shook his head.</p><p>"it's okay, i'll be fine."</p><p>"hold on for me, wait for me!"</p><p>randall sucked in a breath. the pain in his side was unbearable. he had hung on for what felt like an eternity. but maybe he'd never been hanging in the first place. maybe he was only grasping at a rope, but it was always out of reach. maybe the knights were his only connection to life. maybe hamish had been the one to pull him up.</p><p>or perhaps hamish had been the one to let him fall.</p><p>"i'm sorry."</p><p>"for what? you didn't do anything wrong?" hamish responded frantically. randall smiled slightly, his eyes feeling heavy. he suddenly felt no pain. he knew what was happening, and he was content. no longer afraid.</p><p>"for loving you."</p><p>by the time hamish had arrive, randall was gone. dead. head lolled to the left slightly leaning on his shoulder, phone dropped on the ground, blood covering his chest and soaking his shirt.</p><p>hamish covered his mouth and knelt down next to randall. he pulled the younger off the couch and into his lap. his eyes began to burn as the tears fell.</p><p>"i told you to hold on."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW// STAB WOUND, DEPICTIONS OF GORE, DEATH</p><p>so that was dark uh,, yeah remind me not to write for this fandom again-</p><p>maybe leave a comment?? please??</p></blockquote></div></div>
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